Why trying too hard can be a major turn-off?
People reaching out to tell you about their interest and admiration for your work or request for advice or collaboration is one thing, but what to do when it starts to happen repeatedly even when you cannot or do not wish to engage further (at least not at that point in time) and yet they continue to keep messaging or emailing you.
After a certain point, you start to ignore them. Right?
Why? Because you cannot keep up with them and/or it almost gets to your nerves that why don’t they get it that you might not be available for a response. This, counter-intuitively, pushes you away from that person or connection.
As a side effect, it also damages any possibilities of a meaningful connection.
Instead, pushing too much has the potential to damage your current level of connection with the other person as it’s like putting someone in a spot and trying to impose a connection that doesn’t exist.
Don't get me wrong, it’s not coming from a viewpoint of an anti-social person. In fact, as humans, we thrive on connections and actively seek to establish meaningful bonds. But this has to happen organically and from the heart, and not out of obligation or constant pressure. If pressurized, it’s sure to turn off your connection instantly (well, unless one isn't a people’s pleaser).
This holds true in most cases, both professionally (especially recruiters, employers and clients/ prospects) as well as personally. Because guess what, like it or not, nobody likes to be sold to.
In all sincerity, a better approach to strike a conversation or engage naturally would-
- Be ready to build a relationship that's based on trust developed over a period of time.
- Be very direct and clear in your ask (of course after saying hello and your greetings as it's both polite and courteous, also all the more needed today). This way, you will provide a clear picture of what you have to offer or what you need and if they can help, let them come back to you. If this works for both then- Boom! Voila! In this case, a follow-up or two is reasonable to ensure your request doesn’t miss the radar but continuous messaging can again come across as being intrusive. Might also lead to a hard stop for your connection.
Making sure once again, I'm not questioning to not try to establish a connection, but my point is to not try too hard otherwise the conversation loses the poise and you stand a good chance to come off as desperate. And no one wants to invest in a desperate person, business proposal, candidate or deal. And why would they?
Whether it's their time or energy, productive people are very clear about where and how much do they want to put in and would expect the same from anyone they engage with. Agree?
What's your experience, thought and opinion on this? Would love to discuss the same with you in the comments below, please do share :)