Will Indian's mindset ever change ???
The sun was setting. I was just staring at the orange coloured sky. I was thinking about my life's journey while watching my daughter playing in the see-saw. In the last exam, my daughter has got a low percentage. So my husband was very upset with me. According to him, it's my responsibility. If she gets low marks then I am to blame. His only responsibility is earning. Though ours was a love marriage, my husband has changed a lot after marriage.
Now he has become the typical Indian husband. His thought has changed. Before marriage, he was very liberal but now when I discuss something about my friends from opposite sex he reacts differently. Though not directly but I can sense his uncomfortable situation. So slowly I have stopped the topic regarding my opposite sex friends. He very well knows that he is my whole world. I can go to any extent to prove my love for him. For me, the whole world is on one side and he is on the other. Still, sometimes his behaviour surprises me. His insecurity makes me avoid doing things which he doesn't like even if I want to do that. I don't know why majority Indian husbands behave in this manner when his wife has a friend, who is a boy.
In my case, I never had a true friend in my school or college life. The foremost reason was I was always the topper. I was always coming first in almost all essay, debate and quiz competitions. For this, almost all the girls were jealous of me so they never became my true friend with whom I can share anything and everything . Before marriage, my husband was my best friend but after marriage, he has no time to share my feelings. So I was really searching someone before whom I can open up my heart. With whom I can share each and every thought even if it is about my husband and family. But I never found such a friend till I met Sarthak. We both were childhood friends but for after school, we had no contact with each other. It was again we became friends when we discovered each other last year in the same city. We were talking over the phone and chatting regularly but I was avoiding any planned meeting with him because of my husband 's indirect unwillingness. Our two or three meetings were totally unplanned .
But what is destined to happen it will happen. In spite of my efforts that day the inevitable happened. "Subhra" someone called me. The voice was familiar. When I looked back it was Sarthak. I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the park with his son. When he saw me, came and sat in the bench. For the first 10 minutes we discussed about our children but suddenly the direction changed and we started discussing about our partners. When, for the first time, Sarthak shared his story about how in spite of staying under one roof they are like friends. Though for the whole world they are an ideal couple. "What is the reason?" I asked. Sarthak replied "when my wife had to join the job of her dream she got pregnant. So she wanted to abort it. But my parents didn't approve of it for the religious angle. So she had to quit the job and after that everything changed and now I have to take almost all the responsibility of my son." I couldn't believe how he is managing both job and son. His wife is more career oriented. So he is managing everything silently without letting the world know the truth behind their relationship.
I was silent. Actually, didn't know how to react. Just thinking, compared to him my sorrows are nothing. I wanted to console him rather give him the strength to reach the goal. So to lessen his grief I told "This is life. We have to accept it. We always can't have a life of our dreams. See in my life also there are so many ups and downs".
"You are not telling the truth. Your life is full of happiness. There is no place for unhappiness in it". Sarthak said.
For the outside world, it is a perfect family. But you don't know what is inside. I replied. At that time I really never wanted to hide anything from him. I wanted to confide everything in him. I wanted to open my heart out. In my whole life for the first time, I was going to be a open book for someone. I wanted to express every single page of my book. For all these years I wanted someone like Sarthak to share my emotions, who will understand me and not laugh at my back. So I just couldn't control anymore and started my untold story.
"You know Sarthak, my husband was believing me blindly before the marriage but it was me who always had a doubt regarding his commitment. But just the opposite is happening after the marriage. Though directly he is not saying anything but his behaviour is expressing everything. I am very sensitive about all this. You know if for some reason I can't receive his call he will ask questions till he is satisfied and pretend he has full faith in me. If he finds me talking to a friend who is not a lady then he will be there till I finish the call. If I ask the reason he will avoid it. So now I am used to it. But you know it hurts much as ours is a love marriage. The foundation of our marriage was trust and belief. And today from his side it is completely gone. And one more thing I can't share these things with anyone because either they will think I am making mountain out of a molehill or will laugh at me. But believe me his, mistrust is hurting me like anything. My whole existence is reduced to nothing. I can live with all the tension and worries but not with his doubts. Sometimes I feel like ending my life so that he will be sure that I had a love for only one person in my life. I loved him unconditionally till my last breathe with all my heart." I couldn't say anything more.
With emotions overflowing tears were uncontrollable. They started flowing. Seeing this, Sarthak took my hankie from my hand and wiped my tears. Sensing the situation I also tried to control my tears and slowly stopped the coming down of tears. Sarthak was searching for words.
"I never knew such things hurt so much. You have everything if we take into account materialistic pleasure. But you desperately want your husband's trust and belief. Which he is totally unaware. What a dilemma. I just wish all your problem will disappear soon and your husband will know your true value." Sarthak said.
"Mom, it's time to go back. Papa will be back." My daughter called. So we got up and started for our houses. Sarthak also called his son and we said bye to each other.
On the way, I was feeling very relaxed after sharing everything. But then one important question struck to me. "Should I disclose everything about me and Sarthak to my husband? Or I will just say I met Sarthak in the park. Because if I tell the truth then another episode of mistrust and disbelief will start in my life. So I decided to tell half the truth so that there will be peace in my life. But one thing I was unable to understand "Can not there be friendship between a boy and girl??? Why a friend always has to be of the same gender? When this mentality will change? When will Indian males mindset change????